What If You Don’t Have to Earn Your Freedom?
The Shapeshifter Series — Article 17
When the responsibilities begin to fall away, but the guilt of putting ourselves first is still hanging around.
There’s something rather peculiar about finally getting what we’ve been asking for. We spend years wishing we had more time, more freedom, more opportunities to explore our interests, develop our gifts, travel, write, create, or simply spend an afternoon doing absolutely nothing productive. And then, one day, some of those responsibilities fall away. There’s an afternoon with nothing particularly urgent to do. Nobody needs a ride. Nobody is waiting for dinner. And instead of feeling delighted, we become strangely uncomfortable. Surely there’s something we should be doing. Perhaps the cupboards need organizing. Maybe we should clean the refrigerator. There must be laundry somewhere. Before we know it, we’ve created three hours of work to fill the space we were so excited to have. What if the greatest obstacle to our freedom isn’t the responsibilities we carry, but the belief that we must earn the right to enjoy our lives?
When Being Productive Becomes a Measure of Our Worth
Many of us grew up believing that being a good person meant being useful. We were praised for working hard, helping others, being responsible, and putting obligations ahead of personal desires. Responsibility and contribution matter. But somewhere along the way, we may have decided that our value depended on how much we accomplished. A productive day was a good day. A busy person was an important person. Rest was something we could enjoy only after everything else had been completed. But when does the work ever end? There’s always another task, another responsibility, another person who could use our help. If we’ve built our worth around productivity, we can spend a lifetime postponing the experiences that make life worth living.
The Guilt That Follows Us Into Freedom
We can change our circumstances without immediately changing the beliefs we’ve developed within them. Our children may be grown. We may have changed careers or established healthier boundaries. Yet when we sit down with a book in the afternoon, something inside whispers, Shouldn’t you be doing something? Perhaps we worry someone will think we’re lazy, or we feel guilty because dishes remain in the sink. It’s almost as though the old version of ourselves is still standing nearby with a clipboard, monitoring our productivity. Who gave that version of ourselves the authority to decide whether we’re allowed to be happy?
When the Old Rules No Longer Fit
In the Shapeshifter Series, we’ve explored how personal transformation can involve changing the way we understand ourselves. We recognize patterns, question old beliefs, and discover that the roles we’ve played are not all we are. The rule that everything must be finished before we rest might have seemed reasonable when we were managing a household full of young children. But when circumstances change, do we update the rules? Or do we continue living as though everyone still needs us every moment? Perhaps part of shapeshifting is recognizing when old expectations have expired.
You Don’t Have to Justify Everything That Brings You Joy
I’d love to see more people become comfortable doing things simply because they enjoy them. Not because they’re educational, productive, or likely to generate income. Perhaps we enjoy gardening, making hats, baking cookies, watching birds, wandering through bookstores, or sitting outside with coffee. Perhaps we want to paint or walk through the forest without turning it into a fitness goal. Must every hobby become a business? Must every moment be accounted for? Joy doesn’t have to prove its usefulness to deserve a place in our lives. Sometimes the experience itself is enough.
The Difference Between Responsibility and Self-Abandonment
I’m not suggesting we abandon our responsibilities and expect everyone else to take care of us. That would be another imbalance. Healthy relationships require mutual consideration. But responsibility means participating fairly in the work of living; self-abandonment begins when we consistently treat our own needs and happiness as less important than everyone else’s. We may cancel plans whenever someone asks for a favour, or postpone interests because someone prefers us to remain available. Sometimes nobody else is making demands—we’ve become so good at anticipating expectations that we impose them on ourselves. Can we establish boundaries with our own old programming? Can we question the belief that rest must be earned?
What If Happiness Is Part of the Work?
We talk about healing, releasing patterns, clearing emotional wounds, and aligning with our authentic selves. But what happens afterward? What do we do with the space we’ve created? If we clear away old limitations only to fill every moment with another obligation, have we changed the way we’re living? Perhaps healing isn’t only about what we release, but also what we allow ourselves to receive: peace, pleasure, rest, creativity, connection, wonder, and the simple enjoyment of being alive. These experiences aren’t necessarily distractions from spiritual development. Perhaps they’re part of what our development has been making room for. Did I enjoy being alive today? Not every day will be wonderful, but that question deserves a place beside our other measures of success.
Learning to Trust an Unfinished Afternoon
Imagine a beautiful afternoon. There are dishes in the sink, laundry waiting, a few things to put away—but nothing urgent. You have an opportunity to read, visit a friend, walk, or work on something creative. What if you simply did it? What if you trusted that the household could survive an unfinished afternoon? The practice isn’t only rearranging our schedules; it’s becoming comfortable with our happiness. We can leave the house while mentally worrying about what needs doing, or take a bath while organizing tomorrow’s responsibilities. Our bodies may step away while our minds remain on duty. Perhaps enjoying freedom requires practising being present in it.
The People We Love May Benefit From Our Happiness
What if becoming happier is good for the people around us, too? Not because happiness should become another service we provide, but because our emotional atmosphere influences relationships. When we’re exhausted and resentful, small inconveniences can feel enormous. When we make room for wellbeing, we may have more patience, curiosity, and energy for connection. Instead of seeing our families primarily through the responsibilities associated with them, we may enjoy their company again. We might celebrate their accomplishments without feeling responsible for organizing their next steps. We might even become more playful. Imagine that!
The Spiritual Practice of Allowing
We talk about surrender, releasing control, and trusting life. Sometimes we imagine surrender as a dramatic spiritual experience. But perhaps it’s wonderfully ordinary. Letting the laundry wait while we enjoy a sunset. Allowing someone else to prepare dinner without supervising. Taking a course simply because we’re curious. Sitting outside with tea without needing to accomplish anything. We’re allowed to have interests, dreams, and experiences that belong entirely to us. We don’t have to apologize for them.
What If the New Version of You Is Already Here?
Perhaps we’ve already done much of the inner work. We’ve recognized the patterns, questioned the beliefs, and become aware of responsibilities we no longer need to carry. Now the next step is surprisingly simple. We begin. We take the walk. Register for the course. Open the notebook. Call the friend. Make the art. Sit in the sunshine. We stop waiting for the perfect moment when every responsibility is complete and everyone else is satisfied. That moment may never arrive—and perhaps it doesn’t need to. We don’t have to finish our old lives perfectly before we’re allowed to begin enjoying the new ones. Maybe shapeshifting means finally allowing the person we’ve been becoming to participate in our actual life. Not someday. Not when everything is finished. Not when we’ve earned it. Now. Perhaps freedom isn’t something we earn after we’ve done enough. Perhaps it’s something we begin experiencing when we finally believe that we are enough.
Are You Ready to Explore the Beliefs That Have Been Holding You Back?
Sometimes our difficulty allowing ourselves to rest, receive, or pursue dreams is connected to beliefs about responsibility and worthiness. Through Akashic Records readings and Akashic Reiki sessions, we can explore the soul-level themes and patterns you feel ready to understand, and consider what greater freedom and self-acceptance might look like in everyday life.
You deserve a life that includes your happiness, too.
Explore Sessions & Book Your Appointment. Sessions available in person and online.
With love,
Sue Crielaard
Author of Crow Medicine: Bridging Spiritual Awakening and Real-World Survival
Founder of Vital Village Metaphysical
